Here at Gramps' Place, we share very funny and sometimes pretty lame jokes, interesting, motivational or educational stories, fun facts and also tips on how to stay healthy.
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Joke: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: Philosophers merely think about the road. The point is to cross it.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. Tune in, turn on, fry out.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
JOSEPH STALIN: I don't care, Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omelette.
RONALD REAGAN: Which road?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did
NOT cross the road.
BILL CLINTON: Nowhere in the Bible does it say that crossing the road constitutes adultery.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER (from X-Files): You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook.
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER; It was an instinctive manoeuvre, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
HOMER SIMPSON: Mmmmmmmmm, chicken.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
TUKOROIRANGI MORGAN (sometime NZ politician): The chicken's mana entitled it to cross the road whenever it wanted and wherever it wanted. The chicken is not required to provide a reason for its actions. It's time the rednecks stopped chicken-bashing.
WINSTON PETERS (sometime NZ politician): I am fed up with the constant stream of unproven accusations from the press. The chicken did nothing with public money that was outside his tender commitment.
BRUCE SLANE (NZ Privacy Commissioner): I am concerned at the disclosure of this information on the chicken's crossing. Such reports have left the chicken feeling completely let down, and have hurt its feelings and affected its attitude.
SAM HUNT (sometime NZ poet): And so the chicken crossed the road/But also rode the cross/Our nation's boss the Southern Cross/Now bears his paltry load.
PAUL HOLMES (sometime NZ TV presenter): Well. The chicken crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story may have been invented by the chicken's press secretary to boost interest in a new book published by the very same chook. Tonight on Holmes we investigate.
JIM HICKEY (NZ TV weather person): The chicken was tripped up by the end of a tropical cyclone and was caught in a nor'westerly flow while the depression moved out into the Pacific.
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
