Here at Gramps' Place, we share very funny and sometimes pretty lame jokes, interesting, motivational or educational stories, fun facts and also tips on how to stay healthy.
|
Links  Dusty and Nice Movie reviews! Check it out! Dave's Daily Funny, Strange, Bizarre News and Media Steph's Blog A friend's blog Bloggy Award GRAND-PA's listed here! Check out the ratings! AddMe - Search Engine Optimization Feeds
Blogsites
|
Personality Test: Honesty Quiz
Take a minute and put some thought into your answers. Do take the quiz as you read, there are only 3 questions.
Get pencil and paper and write it down. You will need it at the end. This is an honest quiz, that will tell you about your true self. Enjoy!
1. Arrange the following 5 animals according to your preference:
- Cow
- Horse
- Sheep
- Tiger
- Monkey
2. Write one word to describe each of the following:
- Dog
- Cat
- Rat
- Coffee
- Ocean
3. Think of somebody (who also knows you) that you can relate to the following colours. Please do not repeat your answer twice. Name only 1 person for each color:
- Yellow
- Orange
- Red
- White
- Green
Are you done? Make sure your answers are what you TRULY feel...See the interpretations below:
Question 1 defines your priorities in life:
- Cow means career
- Tiger means pride
- Sheep means love
- Horse means family
- Monkey means money
Question 2:
- Your description of Dog implies your own personality
- Your description of Cat implies your partner's personality
- Your description of Rat implies your enemy's personality
- Your description of Coffee implies how you interpret sex
- Your description of Ocean implies your own life
Question 3:
- Yellow - somebody who will never forget you
- Orange - someone whom you can consider as your real friend
- Red - someone you really love
- White - your soulmate
- Green - a person whom you will always remember for the rest of your life
Technorati tags:personality test, quiz, miscellaneous
Friday, April 28, 2006
Admin: New Tenant!
There, there, a new tenant! This week, we have Matt's MTMD (Meltwater. Torrents. Meanderings. Delta) with us. MTMD is a recollection of the excursions that Matt has had particularly along rivers... His blog's name tells you tt... Really interesting... Check it out! Thursday, April 27, 2006
Health: The Truth About Water
I'd have to admit it sounds very exaggerated... - Espen
One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a university study.
Lack of water is the no.1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
Preliminary research indicates that 8 to 10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen.
Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79% and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Are you drinking the amount of water you should everyday?
Technorati tags:health, wellness, water
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Joke: Types of Wife
No offence to our dear ladies! ;) - Espen
HARD-DISK Wife:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Wife:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Wife:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Wife:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs...
SCREENSAVER Wife:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Wife:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Wife:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Wife:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Wife:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Wife:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
LAPTOP Wife:
Most desired possession, but always belongs to someone else.
VIRUS Wife:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her, you will lose everything.
Technorati tags:humor, funny, women
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Joke: Things that Make Blokes Proud of Themselves
- OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men'swork.
- CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kidsmakes you the man.
- DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
- SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!
- GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - asyou thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish -noisy destruction.
- DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat onand downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.
- HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
- HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an ironburn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
- HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness,sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
- NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you toshare the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",it says,"but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
- USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safelyhandle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
- KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
- ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are ******. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
- NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
- CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to theblokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you arenow your dad.
- WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
- TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
- TAKING OUT $200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the Plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
- PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. Seeya."
- PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
- HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there insilence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
- HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
- KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
Technorati tags:humor, funny, men
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Admin: New Tenant!
Let's take a closer look at our latest tenant. Here's a description given by the bloggers of Outrageous Ebay Auction about their blog: "Have you ever wondered why seamingly "normal" people bid on items that do not appear to have any value whatsoever? Come along for the ride as we watch "Messed-up" individuals waste their money. We will also post anything else funny we stumble across." It's really interesting, showing you all the wierdest kinda stuff on auction you can ever find... Check it out! Friday, April 21, 2006
Joke: War Strategy
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he adised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggering high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you have GI insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
Technorati tags:humor, funny, war
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Miscellaneous: The Top 10 Rules for the Good Life
1. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
2. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself.
3. Never spend your money before you have it.
4. Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will never be dear to you.
5. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold.
6. Never repent of having eaten too little.
7. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.
8. Don't let the evils which have never happened cost you pain.
9. Always take things by their smooth handle.
10. When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to one hundred.
Technorati tags:miscellaneous, life
Monday, April 17, 2006
Jokes: Cool Political Jokes
Dear readers, apologies on being inactive for a few days once again. I've just lost a loved one and have been busy wif the wake and funeral. Now I am back again with more interesting stuff to share, cheers - Espen
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The barman says "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning World War 3"
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!?!"
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
-----
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: "I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
-----
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...
Bush: What buildings? What people?
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
Technorati tags:humor, funny, political, u.s
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Admin: New Tenant!
Here we go. This week we have Fluff celebrating a decade(weeks) of blog renting with us. Fluff has a number of different bloggers which post about celebrity news, movie and book reviews, TV and fashion, and much more! Check it out, bet it won't disappoint. =) Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Miscellaneous: Optical Illusions
In brown, you can read ME, but when you look through, you can read YOU.
In black, you can read the word GOOD, in white, the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter).
Can you see why this painting is called optical illusion? You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion. See for yourself!
The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.
Technorati tags:miscellaneous, optical illusions
Monday, April 10, 2006
Joke: How to Reject Rejections
Dear Hiring Manager,
Thank you for your letter of March 16.
After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a position in your department. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your companies' outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Interviewee
Technorati tags: humor, funny, rejection
Friday, April 07, 2006
Health: Good-for-your-body Food
From an email I received, take it with a pinch of salt ;) - Espen
Cranberry juice is good for urinary tract infections. Why? Because the juice inhibits a type of bacteria that clings to the wall of the bladder and causes infection.
Carrots are good for your eyes. Carrots and some other fruits and vegetables contain beta carotene, which can reduce the chance of eye disease. One carrot a day can help prevent macular degeneration, which eventually leads to blindness.
Chicken soup fights congestion that comes with a cold. Chicken has an amino acid that thins the mucous lining of the sinuses, thus relieving stuffiness.
Garlic and onions kill flu and cold viruses.
Fish is good for your brain. The mineral zinc is found in fish and shellfish. Studies show that even a minimal deficiency of zinc impairs thinking and memory.
Blueberries fight the bacteria that causes diarrhea.
Bananas are a natural antacid. They soothe heartburn or gastric distress.
Spinach is good for your spirits. It contains lots of folic acid. If your body doesn't have enough folic acid, you may feel depressed.
Ginger root fights nausea caused by motion sickness and relieves migraine headaches. Make a tea of fresh ginger root by simmering it in water for ten minutes.
Eat onions to fight insomnia. Onions contain a mild natural sedative called quercetin.
Yogurt with acidophilus fights the bacteria that causes vaginal yeast infections.
Technorati tags:health, wellness, food
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Admin: New Tenant!
A brand new week, another tenant. This week, we have Tina's RECOMMENDED from Germany with us. Here's the description of the blog...
"RECOMMENDED is a blog about the many things I discover online every day. Other blogs, websites, tools, software, plugins and more. Interesting, peculiar, weird, helpful or ingenious. Simply anything I like! Rantings and personal opinions included."
Well, what are you waiting for? Check it out...=P Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Story: The Businessman and the Fisherman
What do you really hope to achieve in life? Read this story and you may find what you are always hoping to achieve, you may be already having it.
There was once an American businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Mexican village. As he sat, he saw a Mexican fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore and noticed that the fisherman has caught quite a number of big fishes that is known to be a delicacy. The American was really impressed and asked the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch so many fishes?"
The fisherman replied, "Oh, just a short while."
"Then why don't you stay longer at sea and you could catch even more?" The businessman was astonished.
The fisherman simply does not agree. "This is enough to feed my whole family," he says.
The businessman then asked, "So, what do you do for the rest of the day then?"
The fisherman replied, "Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fishes, then I would go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I will take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I will join my buddies in the village for a drink, we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night. My days are ever so complete and carefree."
The businessman does not agree with his way of life and offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
"I am a PhD holder graduated from Harvard University, specialising in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you have to spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fishes as possible. And when you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fishes. As you go on, you will be able to afford to buy more boats, recruit more fishermen and lead a team of your own. Soon you will be able to set up your own company, your very own production plant for canned food and do direct selling to your distributors. At that time, you will have moved out of this village and to Mexico City, and then expand your operation to LA, and finally to New York City, where you can set up your HQ to manage all your other branches."
The fisherman asks, "So, how long would that take?"
The businessman reply, "About 15 to 20 years."
The fisherman continues, "And after that?"
The businessman laughs heartily, "After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, by then you will be rich, your income will be coming in by the millions!"
The fisherman asks, "And after that?"
The businessman says, "After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning and catch a few fishes, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!"
The fisherman was puzzled, "Isn't that what I am doing now?"
So, what does one really hope to achieve in life? Do we really need to work so hard in life? What do you hope to accomplish in the end?
Technorati tags:story, miscellaneous
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Joke: Confessions of a Kid
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike
for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be
a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!
Technorati tags:humor, funny, kids
