Here at Gramps' Place, we share very funny and sometimes pretty lame jokes, interesting, motivational or educational stories, fun facts and also tips on how to stay healthy.
|
Links  Dusty and Nice Movie reviews! Check it out! Dave's Daily Funny, Strange, Bizarre News and Media Steph's Blog A friend's blog Bloggy Award GRAND-PA's listed here! Check out the ratings! AddMe - Search Engine Optimization Feeds
Blogsites
|
Story: The Woman
Ladies, take the centrestage ;) - Espen
When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day. An angel came by and said, "Why spend so much time on that one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen the specifications I have to meet to shape her?"
"She must be washable, but not made of plastic, have more than 200 moving parts which all must be replaceable and she must function on all kinds of food, she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time, give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart and she must do this with only two hands."
The angel was impressed.
"Just two hands... impossible!"
And this is the standard model?!?
"Too much work for one day... wait until tomorrow and then complete her."
"I will not," said the Lord. "I am so close to complete this creation, which will be the favourite of my heart."
"She cures herself when sick and she can work 18 hours a day."
The angel came nearer and touched the woman.
"But you made her so soft, Lord"
"She is soft," said the Lord, "But I have also made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome."
"Can she think?" the angel asked.
The Lord answered, "Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate."
The angel touched the woman's cheek... "Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too much burden on her."
"She is not leaking... it's a tear" the Lord corrected the angel.
"What's it for?" asked the angel.
And the Lord said, "Tears are her way of expressing grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering and her pride."
This made a big impression on the angel, "Lord, you are genius. You thought of everything. The woman is indeed marvellous!"
Indeed she is! Woman has strengths that amazes man. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when feeling like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying, crys when she is happy and laughs when she is afraid.
She fights for what she believes in. Stand up against injustice. She doesn't take "no" for an answer, when she can see a better solution. She gives herself so her family can thrive. She takes a friend to the doctor if she is afraid. Her love is unconditional.
She cries when her kids are victorious. She is happy when her friends do well. She is glad when she hears of a birth or wedding.
Her heart is broken when a next of kin or friend dies. But she finds the strength to get on with life. She knows that a kiss and a hug can heal a broken heart.
There is only one thing wrong with her... She forgets what she is worth...
Technorati tags:story, motivational, woman
Miscellaneous: Water Bottles
Didn't realise there are triangles and numbers under the water bottle, until now. Did you? Used to recycle them, not anymore.
As you know, chemical released by plastic water bottles can cause cancer. (It is not the water that affects you, but the chemical released from the bottle.)
How to avoid:
Check the bottom of the bottle. There should be a triangle sign and there will be a number on it. If the number is higher than or equal to 5 - then this bottle is safe to use. Numbers under 5 will release the chemical. For most bottled water, the number is 1. Remember to check and stop reusing those bottles.
Please pass on the information to your friends and family.
Technorati tags:miscellaneous, health, water bottles
Joke: Mechanical Problems
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
Note: Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a major accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution and action taken by the maintenance people.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Technorati tags:humor, funny, mechanical problems
Joke: Expand (a+b)^n
Technorati tags: humor, funny, maths
Miscellaneous: 10 Commandments!
Thou shalt not...
1. Preview ringtones while commuting
2. Thou shall not ignore the company before you
3. Use the mobile phone in the toilet
4. Display the mobile phone as if it is an accessory
5. Forget that mobile phones are used for making calls
6. Expect mobile phones to be turned on all the time
Thou shalt...
7. Cram as many questions as possible into one SMS note
8. Answer all calls within two rings
9. Turn off or silence thy mobile phone during meetings
10. Resist the urge to talk loudly
Technorati tags: miscellaneous, etiquette, mobile
Miscellaneous: Quiz
Answers will be posted as and when requested in 'comments' section, enjoy! ;) - Espen
Technorati tags: miscellaneous, quiz
Miscellaneous: More Chalk Drawings...
Technorati tags: miscellaneous, chalk drawings, interesting
Miscellaneous: Chalk Drawings
P.S I have problem uploading more pics so they'll come later at another post! :D - Espen
Technorati tags: miscellaneous, interesting, chalk drawing
Miscellaneous: Which Baby Are You?
Jan
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.
Feb
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
Mar
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate, shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.
Apr
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.
May
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited.
Jun
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have a very attractive partner, a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!
Jul
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional, temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly, spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
Aug
Outgoing personality. Takes risks. Feeds on attention. No self-control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "everything's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. In need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "Charming" or "beautiful" o everyone. Stubborn. Curious Independent. Strong willed. A fighter.
Sep
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Haste. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
Oct
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.
Nov
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men area born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because they are one of a kind.
Dec
This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds.
Technorati tags:miscellaneous, personality, birthday
Admin: New Tenant!
This week, we have Ankaisa's Trying To Stay Sane with us. This blog is about someone dealing with infertility but has been successful once. I'll leave other stuff for you to find out. Check it out!
