Gramps' Place

Here at Gramps' Place, we share very funny and sometimes pretty lame jokes, interesting, motivational or educational stories, fun facts and also tips on how to stay healthy.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Story: What Goes Around Comes Around

A touching story of gracious giving...

He almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."

Well, all she had was a flat tyre, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tyre. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.

Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occured to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me."

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road, the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant.

Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase.

The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out of the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."

Under the napkin were four more $100 bills. Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard... She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."

There is an old saying "What goes around comes around." Today, I sent you this story, and I'm asking you to pass it on. Let this light shine.

Good friends are like stars... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Technorati tags:life, story, Bryan Anderson

posted by sc @ 11:28 am |

Sunday, February 26, 2006
Joke: X-files Drinking Game

Here's the deal: Every time an event occurs, take the assigned amount of drinks from a beverage of your choice.

1 SIP

Every time Scully is examining internal organs of a corpse.

Every time Mulder or Scully gets a call on the cellular phone that ISN'T their partner.

Every time a flashlight that is so bright it must require a car battery and is used in a totally dark room.

If Mulder mentions that something could be paranormal and another character thinks he's joking.

If Mulder just happens to know some obscure case reference or fact that just happens to be similar to the case that they are working on.

Anytime Mulder decides it would be fun to go into a dark place alone.

Any time Scully brings up some political/scientific fact.

Any time when Mulder and Scully split up and Scully goes somewhere on a wild goose chase, so that she misses the whole thing and doesn't believe Mulder when he tells her about it.

2 SIPS

Every time a mysterious character shows up at the end of an episode to keep Mulder from learning the truth/to save their lives.

Every time someone knows about Mulder's sister, but won't tell him about it.

If a computer does something computers don't do.

If you see the numbers 11/21, which correspond to the birthday of Chris Carter's wife.

Whenever Mulder is called by his first name.

Every time Cancer Man lights a cigarette.

Every time Mulder mentions his sister's abduction.

Whenever Mulder eats sunflower seeds.

3 SIPS

Whenever Mulder is called "Spooky Mulder."

Every time Deep Throat or Mr. X is summoned.

If Mulder and Scully get into a fight.

4 SIPS

If a UFO appears in Scully's presence.

Whenever someone gets sick during an autopsy.

If Scully decides it would be fun to go in a dark place alone.

Event requiring special action:

Mulder and Scully get romantically involved: Drown yourself in your drink

The case is completely solved with no unanswered questions and it ends up that the ghost haunting the house is a guy with a mask trying to decrease the property values and Scooby Doo and the gang end up helping out at the end: Same Action.

Technorati tags:humor, funny, X-Files

posted by sc @ 3:27 am |

Friday, February 24, 2006
Joke: Clever Woman III

Here's the third and final installment of the Clever Woman Series... - Espen

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kind of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece!

Technorati tags:humor, funny, clever woman

posted by sc @ 7:32 pm |

Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Miscellaneous: Sweet Memories

These are sweet memories for Singaporeans born in the 80's. Interesting for foreigners to check out as well ;) - Espen

You grew up watching He-man, MASK, Transformers, Silver Hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles, My Little Pony and Smurfs too.

You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you,and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.

You know what SBC stands for.

You pay 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry MILK every week in class.

You watch a very popular Malay dubbed Japanese drama on RTM1 about schoolgirls who possess powerful skills in volleyball called Meoro Attack.

You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in secondary school.

SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of woodand the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEP! when pressed. There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses.The conductor will check fortickets by using a machine which punches a hole in the ticket.

Envelopes given to us to donate to Sharity Elephant every Children's Day.

You've probably read Young Generation magazine.You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.

You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.

Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.

Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.

You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.

You longed to buy tibits called Kaka (20 cents per pack), and Ding Dang(50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week notforgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.

You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers.

KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates andlet you use metal forks and knives.

The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'... You just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.

Catching was the IN thing and twist as the magic word.

Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.

CDIS were your best friend.

The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.

Waterbottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.

Boys loved to play soccer with small plastic balls in the basketball court.

Teng-teng, five stones, chapteh, hentam bola and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...

Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives, guppies and swordtail being the most important fish.

Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks. Even Mr Wally & Mr. Yakki. What abt Miss Lala??? And Zaki and Tini in Malay Textbooks?

We carry out experiments of our own to get ourself badges for being a Young Zoologist/Botanist etc.

Every Children's day and National day you either get pins or pens with'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with 'Happy National Day 1994'.

In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.

We wear BM2000, BATA, or Pallas shoes.

Your form teacher taught you Maths, Science and English.

The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.

You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.

School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.

There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday.

Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.

You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.

You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.

Boys like to catch fighting spiders.

Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys.

Autograph books were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", andsmall poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget".

Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk somemore, I write your name ah!"

There were at least 40 people in one class.

Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.

You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable.

When walking as a class always "Finger on your Lips"

Whenever there Spelling or "Mo Xie" we always try our best to COPY!

posted by sc @ 12:17 pm |

Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Admin: New Tenant!

And now, presenting to you, grand-pa's new tenant for the week, Kitchen Fun With Donna & Friends with many different recipes for any kinda food you might wanna try to cook. Check it out!

posted by sc @ 5:23 pm |

Monday, February 20, 2006
Story: Family

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too,
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home, a different story was told,
how we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
my son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realise how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
you'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he bought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
and now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed,
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

"I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today,
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mum, that's okay.
I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think? So what is behind this story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Technorati tags:story, family, love

posted by sc @ 10:33 pm |

Saturday, February 18, 2006
Joke: Clever Woman II

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a cheque."

Cheers to clever women.

Technorati tags:humor, funny, clever woman

posted by sc @ 10:51 am |

Thursday, February 16, 2006
Joke: Bishop and the Ass

No offence is intended to anyone!

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

posted by sc @ 11:43 am |

Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Story: Everything Happens For A Reason

To all readers: Happy Valentine's Day! - Espen

A 91-year-old woman died after living a very long dignified life. When she met God, she asked Him something that had really bothered her for a very long time. "If Man was created in God's image, and if all men are created equal, why do people treat each other so badly?"

God replied that each person who enters our life has a unique lesson to teach us. It is only through these lessons that we learn about life, people and our relationships with God. This confused the woman, so God began to explain:

"When someone lies to you, it teaches you that things are not always what they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look beyond the masks people wear if you want to know what is in their hearts. Remove your own masks to let people know who you really are.

When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have. You never know when you might lose it. Never take your friends or family for granted, because today and sometimes only this very moment is the only guarantee you may have.

When someone inflicts injury upon you, it teaches you that the human state is a very fragile one. Protect and take care of your body as best as you can, it's the one thing that you are sure to have forever.

When someone mocks you, it teaches you that no tw

o people are alike. When you encounter people who are different from you, do not judge them by how they look or act, instead base it on the contents of what is in their hearts.

When someone breaks your heart, it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that the person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love, because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings you will make up for all of your past hurts. Times a thousand fold.

When someone holds a grudge against you, it teaches you that everyone makes mistakes. When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can do is forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have hurt us is often the most difficult and painful of life's experiences, but it is also the most courageous thing a person can do.

When a loved one is unfaithful to you, it teaches you that resisting temptation is Man's greatest challenge. Be vigilant in your resistance against all temptations. By doing so, you will be rewarded with an enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary pleasure by which you were tempted.

When someone cheats you, it teaches you that greed is the root of all evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they may be. Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.

When someone ridicules you, it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections over which they have no control."

posted by sc @ 1:10 pm |

Monday, February 13, 2006
Admin: New Tenant!

This week, we're pleased to have with us Real Thought which offers the blogger's thoughts on politics, news, culture and education with a conservative, liberatarian slant...check it out!

posted by sc @ 9:19 am |

Sunday, February 12, 2006
Joke: Pun Fun on Professions

Read each of the following with the prefix I could have been...

I could've been...

A banker
But I was penny wise and pound foolish.

A doctor
But I didn't have time to practice.

A guitarist
But I preferred a job with no strings attached.

An ice-cream vendor
But I lost my cool.

An archeologist
But, I didn't want my career in ruins.

An athlete
But, there were too many hurdles.

A billiard player
But, nobody gave me a break.

A carpenter
But, I shelved the idea.

A chauffer
But, I didn't have the drive.

A comedian
But, my friends laughed at the idea.

A detective
But, nobody gave me a clue to get started.

A doctor
But, I got sick of it.

An Egyptologist
But, mummy objected.

A farmer
But, it wasn't my field.

A historian
But, I let bygones be bygones.

A juggler
But, things got out of hand.

A juggler
But, I dropped the idea.

A lawyer
But, that didn't appeal to me.

A lexicographer
But, I am a man of few words.

A librarian
But, they were fully booked.

A magazine editor
But, I didn't want to make an issue out of it.

A mathematician
But, I had too many problems.

A money lender
But, I lost interest in it.

A nuclear scientist
But, I didn't have the energy.

A shopkeeper
But, fate had something else in store.

A skipper
But, I missed the boat.

A sprinter
But, I was on the wrong track.

A swimmer
But, I had a stroke.

posted by sc @ 10:13 am |

Friday, February 10, 2006
Joke: Elderly Jokes

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

--

Two elderly gentleman from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."

"Really?!? Like a new-born baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

--

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man siad, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns?"

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of the restaurant we went to last night?"

--

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman - already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said, "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

posted by sc @ 11:58 am |

Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Miscellaneous: Elements of a Successful Relationship

This is worth reading, especially for the married, the going-to-be-married, those courting and those with a quick temper.

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in seperation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB."

There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is." Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "Hello" instead of "PUB".

-----

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticise your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at.

This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too.

-----

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse, please help me to find a suitable one."

The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humourous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I didn't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife.

Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses.

The nightmare begins.

-----

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationship fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage.

Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "it is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expection on changing the spouse's character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

-----

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "a speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date back in secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered, "You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.

-----

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"

Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey.

He walked beside them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of the family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."

The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you."

Hearing this, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left.

Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others' words if our conscience is clear.

-----

BE PATIENT

A man came out of his home to admire his truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck.

The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment.

When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands.

When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?

The father went home and committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet and you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and hurt feelings can't.

Too often we fail to recognise the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that FORGIVENESS IS GREATER THAN REVENGE.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

posted by sc @ 6:11 pm |

Monday, February 06, 2006
Joke: Poorly Paid Mechanic

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Jaguar when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his garage.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the Jaguar. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...

"Try doing it with the engine running."

posted by sc @ 10:44 am |

Admin: New Tenant!

Yup, I'll make an announcement every time there's a new tenant renting my blog space... This week, we have Yada Yada Blog wif us! It's a semi-personal blog with posts on photography, humour, health and celebrity news. Check it out!

posted by sc @ 9:27 am |

Sunday, February 05, 2006
Joke: Definitions

Smile - a curve that can set a lot of things straight

Rumour - news that travels at the speed of sound

Dictionary - the only place where divorce comes before marriage

College - a place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing

Ecstasy - a feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

Office - a place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife

Yawn(zzz) - the only time some married men ever get to open their mouth

Etc. - a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

Committee - individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

Classic - a book which people praise, but do not read

Marriage - it's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's

Worry - interest paid on trouble before it falls due

Experience - the name men give to their mistakes

Tears - the hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power

Atom Bomb - an invention to end all inventions

Philosopher - a fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

Diplomat - a person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

Optimist - a person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

Pessimist - a person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY

Miser - a person who lives poor so that he can die rich

Father - a banker provided by nature

Criminal - a guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught

Boss - someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician - one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after

Doctor - a person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

posted by sc @ 12:18 pm |

Friday, February 03, 2006
Miscellaneous: Friends, Till The End!

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you. In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nicky or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed. In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had. In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears. In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there. In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch. In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick [or Glenn] or Susan, and found you a date to the prom. In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you. The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you! Pass on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and those you have met along the way...

[crying yet? oh there's more]

Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there. There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them. You know who you are, pass it on to someone who you want to remind. So send this to all your friends and maybe those who aren't but just watch and see who sends it back.

If you love someone, tell them. Remember always to say what you mean. Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets. Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway.

Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs.

The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around forever. If you've received this it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

If you're too busy to take the few minutes that it would take right now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn't or that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? [oh the guilt!]

And the better you'll get at reaching out to those you care about.

When you feel down always remember: "Lean On Me when your not strong, I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on. For it won't be long, Till I'm gonna need somebody to Lean On"

posted by sc @ 10:49 am |

Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Joke: God in Limo

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the F*****g Pope as a chauffeur!!"

posted by sc @ 2:15 pm |